one dollar.

This week at school, a thrift store explosion had evidently taken place in the Tate Plaza. That is to say, some student organization was selling sackfuls of secondhand goods for charity. One might normally respond to such an auspicious event by grabbing everything in one's size and asking questions/permission/forgiveness later. Ever since the sad state of my savings account, however, I have had zero desire to shop, much less dig through mystery meat clothing. 

But curiosity got the better of me, and I had to take a look.

one dollar!

Yeah. A dollar. This dress was cheaper than anything else you see in this photo. Except maybe those Office magnets on my mini-fridge in the background. Those were possibly also a dollar.

A bit last season but plain enough to work into a lot more to come (the dress, not the magnets). And the best part -- it looks like it was never worn, which is very probably the only circumstance under which I'd buy something white secondhand (Ignorance is bliss, and ignorance is hard to come by on a white garment). 

The more this week progresses, the more I pat myself on the back for mustering up any motivation to shop. There is, of course, the obvious fact that I can't really wear this dress until next year -- and by then I will probably forget I own it -- but somehow buying a dress that's cheaper-than-the-lunch-you-packed-from-home kind of suspends the relevance of that. Now, only 144 more days 'til spring...

And on that note, happy Fall Break! Also known as Friday...

Here are some pictures of all the different outfits I can make with this dress to celebrate.

field service.

teacher.

40s housewife.

little house on the prairie.

summer reading.

So versatile!

public service announcement.

I have a whole queue of posts about other, more relevant things that I was going to publish next, but being stuck at Tate with my air quality at the mercy of the guy sitting next to me has caused this post to supercede all the others.

This is a post for smelly people. A public service announcement of sorts. The announcement? You smell bad. The public service? I have kindly compiled a questionnaire to help diagnose your problem.

1. Are you fat?
2. Do you sweat a lot?
3. Do you make a habit of eating pungent ethnic foods?
4. Do you sweat a lot AND make a habit of eating pungent ethnic foods?
5. Do you have bad hygiene?
6. Do you put your clothes in the washer/dryer and forget about them and wear them after they dried in the dryer?
7. Do your parents plant mothballs in every single closet of your home...

a little organic chem review: naphthalene, aka mothballs.

If you said yes to even one of the above questions, you probably smell. Bad, in case that wasn't clear. (Side note: This is not to suggest that just because you're fat, sweat a lot, or eat pungent foods you smell bad. That would be stereotyping. And stereotyping is mostly bad. If, however, you make a habit of letting your undried clothes dry in the dryer and wearing them, you will without question smell bad. That is not stereotyping. That is fact.)

Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory, according to a reputable source (Old Spice commercial, circa 2004). Don't be remembered as the smelly kid. Kindly do yourself and everyone else a favor and take frequent showers, use antiperspirant despite its potential contribution to Alzheimer's (it's mostly genetic anyway),  promptly put your clothes in the dryer and make sure they've dried all the way so you don't smell like old rag, and throw out all the mothballs your parents plant in your closets. You can't beat moths anyway. They will always win.

Just look what they did to Dave's argyle sweater.

may or may not be Dave's sweater. or even Dave. but something very similar happened to his very similar looking argyle sweater.

http://www.ehow.com/info_8435616_do-moths-make-holes-sweaters.html

Addendum: There are so many empty seats here.

Guess where Smelly McSmellsalot sat...

http://luckybogey.wordpress.com/category/humor/page/4/