everything in perspective.: public service announcement.

I have a whole queue of posts about other, more relevant things that I was going to publish next, but being stuck at Tate with my air quality at the mercy of the guy sitting next to me has caused this post to supercede all the others.

This is a post for smelly people. A public service announcement of sorts. The announcement? You smell bad. The public service? I have kindly compiled a questionnaire to help diagnose your problem.

Are you fat?
Do you sweat a lot?
Do you make a habit of eating pungent ethnic foods?
Do you sweat a lot AND make a habit of eating pungent ethnic foods?
Do you have bad hygiene?
Do you put your clothes in the washer/dryer and forget about them and wear them after they dried in the dryer?
Do your parents plant mothballs in every single closet of your home...

a little organic chem review: naphthalene, aka mothballs.

If you said yes to even one of the above questions, you probably smell. Bad, in case that wasn't clear. (Side note: This is not to suggest that just because you're fat, sweat a lot, or eat pungent foods you smell bad. That would be stereotyping. And stereotyping is mostly bad. If, however, you make a habit of letting your undried clothes dry in the dryer and wearing them, you will without question smell bad. That is not stereotyping. That is fact.)

Scent is the strongest sense tied to memory, according to a reputable source (Old Spice commercial, circa 2004). Don't be remembered as the smelly kid. Kindly do yourself and everyone else a favor and take frequent showers, use antiperspirant despite its potential contribution to Alzheimer's (it's mostly genetic anyway), promptly put your clothes in the dryer and make sure they've dried all the way so you don't smell like old rag, and throw out all the mothballs your parents plant in your closets. You can't beat moths anyway. They will always win.

Just look what they did to Dave's argyle sweater.